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There’s nothing more picturesque at Christmas than a cozy family huddled around a table, sharing a meal and arguing about politics. It’s the modern equivalent of the nativity scene, but don’t start talking about religion because it will confuse your brother-in-law. But what other current topics should we remain alert to? table at Christmas this year?
If you’re like me, the holidays are a time to be prepared. I buy everyone gets his or her presents when there is a sale in NovemberI check the weather forecast weeks in advance to make sure our location is suitable, and to top it all off, I meticulously plan every conversation that could possibly take place within one meal.
Of course, there are obvious things like politics, religion and divorce that you should always avoid. But thanks to the sheer amount of polarizing events that have taken place in 2024, there are also a number of other talking points that are sure to cause a row.
As a public service announcement, here is a list of events that happened in 2024 that you should NOT bring up over lunch on Christmas Day unless you want a grandparent to have a hernia punctured and your mother insists that everything is fine while she cries at the table.
On November 6 Donald Trump was reelected as President of the United States by 49.9 percent of the voting public – in case you needed a reminder of this beautiful reality we live in.
And according to your uncle, who gets all his information from Sky News, this outcome saved America and the world from evil from the end of democracy. Kamala Harriswho would have forced anyone to have an abortion and use pronouns.
In Australia we have one state called Queensland that confuses every election prediction because half the population is racist, but often won’t vote for the racism party for reasons no one can quite explain.
From what we can gather about America, every state is Queensland.
— Batshit Australia (@batshit_auspol) November 5, 2024
Unless you want to spend the entire first course explaining what a rate is Actually is, and then the next two on why they won’t work, avoid bringing up American politics.
The world tuned in to the Paris 2024 Olympic Games in August to watch the world’s best athletes go for gold in one of the most beautiful cities on earth.
This topic would be a great topic to ponder over a starter if it weren’t for that the “Woke dystopian” opening ceremony which sent conservatives into crisis over a liberal depiction of the Last Supper.
The 2024 Olympic Games in Paris have become completely dystopian.
The opening ceremony was filled with transgender mocking of the Last Supper, the Golden Calf idol and even the Pale Horse from the Book of Revelation.
The Olympics have made it clear that Christian viewers are not welcome. pic.twitter.com/LgawyE6YRX
— Kyle Becker (@kylenabecker) July 26, 2024
Certainly, Christ taught his followers to forgive and show love. But Christmas is his birthday, so your sister-in-law gets the day off.
Every year the topic of changing the date of Australia Day becomes more and more of an outrage bait for Daily Mail readers. Woolworths became the public enemy this year when it announced it would not sell Australian-themed products during the Invasion Day holiday.
If it weren’t for people like Peter Duton fanning the flames of division by calling everyone otherwise was divisive, there would probably already have been a fairly simple solution.
Unfortunately, Peter Dutton does exist, and someone at your table at Christmas is a big fan of his. It’s best to just talk to them about music.
Okay, all music except Taylor Swift that is.
“But Tay Tay is the artist of the year! Her Eras tour earned over three billion dollars and she has been nominated for numerous awards! Why not raise her?’ I hear you ask.
Answer: This is fucking Australia. We hate tall poppies.
Raising someone as successful as Taylor Swift is a surefire way to get into a fight with someone who will make a rational or irrational point in an attempt to discredit her and suck your joy.
Dr. Rachel “Raygun” Gunn was one of the first people in the world to represent their country at the Olympic Games in the sport of breaking. She was successful in all heats leading up to the Games, and she has been promoted in the sport.
Unfortunately for her, she looked a little weird when she botched a move and is now one of the most polarizing figures in the media worldwide.
Toddlers when you say it’s time for a nap pic.twitter.com/jiwcIFtnUb
— LilHumansBigImpact (@BigImpactHumans) August 9, 2024
Your brother watching Andreas Taat and believes women are inferior will no doubt have some wonderful theories as to why Raygun is a cheater deserves the international hatred she received.
And while everything that comes out of his mouth is objectively wrong, he’s right about one thing: her dancing looked weird.
And that is a fact that no one can defend.
You will find that there are plenty of injustices and political issues that are not on this list. And honestly, that’s because everyone in Australia is already doing a good enough job of ignoring the atrocities that are happening.
The things we prefer to get excited about are much more important, like that one school in Sydney that decided to do that from a boys’ school to a mixed school.
One of Sydney’s oldest all-boys schools is going co-educational, leaving some parents furious at what they call the “woke agenda” behind the move. #9News
READ: pic.twitter.com/aS5V96tkbj
— 9News Sydney (@9NewsSyd) January 31, 2024
Now your dad is usually pretty cool about things, but even he can’t ignore the fact that he goes to a private school Old Boy. And something about the fact that his old school would dare try to educate women means he’s going to lose all rationality at the Christmas lunch table.
Nothing ruins Christmas like discovering what your little brother is thinking Drake came out on top Kendrick Lamar.
So far he has been relatively quiet on the subject. One time when you were in the car and started playing “Not Like Us,” he skipped it.
It’s best for everyone that you don’t open that can of worms and lose all respect for him. Not at Christmas.
Think of the family. Better yet, think of the children. Drake certainly does that.
Main image: Getty
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